Flash Bee Mobs

Those of you who follow the news closely may be aware of a new phenomenon made possible by cell phones, text messaging, and Twitter called "Flash Mobs". These are groups of people who suddenly show up somewhere at the same time from different places to prove that they have no job or real life and maybe protest something while they are at it. Until these gatherings were given a name, it was assumed they were just a bunch of kids with nothing better to do with their time than all hang out at the park with tape over their mouths or other such nonsense that kids do. Now that they are "Flash Mobs" though, they are suddenly a "force to be reckoned with", whatever that means.

Buzzard "Flash Mob"

Shark "Flash Mob"

I would like to go on record as pointing out that kids with cell phones did not invent "flash mobs". In fact, they have occurred in nature as long as nature has existed. Just ask a buzzard or shark.

I was reminded of the ancient heritage of flash mobs yesterday, in fact. As most of you know, I am a new beekeeper and I am trying to make as many beekeeping mistakes as possible in my first year to get them over with. That isn't actually how I planned things, but that is the way they have gone so I am just rolling with it. So far I have made lots of experience-building mistakes to check off my list of dumb things new beekeepers do. It is getting to be quite an extensive list and am fairly proud that I have been able to accomplish so much in such a short amount of time. .

When I got my first batch of honey in the early summer, I was delighted that I got nearly twenty pints in my first year. This isn't a lot to get from two hives, but considering that I had invested a lot of time and expense in letting one of them swarm (check) in the spring and got a late start (check), I thought it was pretty good. But what excited me more was the fact that my stronger colony seemed to be on track to make a second batch before the fall was over. In fact, I checked on their work just last week and had decided that it would be time to harvest the second batch of honey this past weekend. The weather didn't cooperate though and sent a tropical storm our way. It is not recommended that you work with bees in tropical storms, so I waited until this weekend. I did not, as hindsight tells me I should have, install entrance reducers to make the hive easier for the bees to defend. (Check).

Yesterday I was driving past my bee hives and noticed a LOT of bees were buzzing around in front of the hives. At first I thought "SWARM!" but then realized it was really late in the year for that kind of nonsense. I was late doing something else (like getting to work) so I couldn't stop and try to decipher what was going on at the moment. I made a mental note to return as soon as possible and see what their problem was.

Later in the day I went back to the hives to see what the commotion was about. Everything looked normal. Bees coming and going, some hanging out on the front talking about the weather and spreading general gossip (you know, the majority of the population of a hive is female). I had decided that they were all just excited about the nice weather and needed to get out and stretch their wings after being cooped up in the house for four days while it rained and the wind blew. I was glad that they were feeling spry with the cooler weather. I decided to take a look at my honey production and make sure they were really ready. Then I realized something was wrong.

A week ago when I opened my hive, there were nine medium frames of comb honey almost completely capped and ready for me to transfer it to glass jars. Today, there were the same nine medium frames of comb, but with one vital element missing. The honey. Every frame was empty. Picked clean. ROBBED! I had been robbed! Well, actually my bees had been robbed, but indirectly, so had I. Now it all made sense. The thousands of bees I saw weren't my bees, although from a distance I can probably be excused for mistaking them for my own. Instead they were a "feral" colony, which means a lawless uncivilized tribe of honey robbing monsters. Come to think of it, it was a "flash bee mob".

In my mind, I can reconstruct the events that led up to this unjust raid. Back in the spring the same ungrateful lawless bunch of deviant bees had rebelled against me and left en mass. Being the rebellious, irresponsible, anarchist types that they were, they probably spent their time all summer drinking fermented nectar and laying around the clover fields, probably playing pranks on each other and terrorizing the animals of the field and forest just for kicks. They knew that they should be gathering nectar and pollen and making stores of honey for the winter, but they were free spirits. They couldn't be held down by societal norms and tradition. What future is there in all work and no play anyway? So they buzzed around at all hours of the day and night when decent, hard working bees were diligently making honey and getting a good night's rest for the next day's work. They probably flew around to other colonies and tried to get other young bees to hang out with them and spread their anti-social behavior to other hives. I suspect that being the counter-culture types that they had shown themselves to be, many of them spent their days lounging around on poppy blooms without a care in the world.

Then one day something happened. A storm came and they had to head back to the hive for shelter. While in the hive for four days, they emptied the pantry and started complaining that there was nothing to eat in that place. The queen and the hive workers acted amazed at this revelation and then had the nerve to point out that they can't make honey with fermented nectar and poppy blooms. And a fine mess they had now. When the storm passed and the temperature dropped, the wise old queen (well, actually she is only a few months old, but they don't know that) told them that it was a harbinger. Winter was coming and they would all starve. "So now you will see where all of your living free has gotten you." she told them sternly.

Fletch

"We gotta do something, and fast!" said Fletch, who was the bee that all of the other bees looked up to as a leader. He was the one that taught them how to ferment nectar. So he devised a plan. "You remember that stupid slave labor camp of a hive we left in the spring?" he asked. Some of the older bees remembered although most of them were too young and only had the stories they had been told to go on. "Those fools were always working, gathering nectar, gathering pollen, making honey on and on and on every day. I bet they have gallons of the stuff."

So the plan was formulated to "borrow" some honey. They would pull it off as a flash mob so nobody would see it coming. They would all just kind of mull around the field around their old haunt and wait for the signal. Once they got it, they would rush in, overpower the dozen or so guards at the hive entrance, and take just enough honey to get them through the winter. "They have way more than they need anyway." he said, "That top section alone has to have two gallons in it. We'll just take a gallon or so. They'll never miss it."

The next day they were up early and out of the hive at daybreak. "They're up to something." the queen told the workers, "In all of the time we have been here, they have never gotten out of bed before ten. I hope they don't get into trouble."

Bee Flash Mob - Amazing!

As they had planned, they all buzzed around the field looking innocent, sitting on grass blades, in trees, and in the weeds, waiting for Fletch to give the signal. Suddenly they saw him fly straight up one hundred feet into the air and then dive straight for the hive entrance. That was their cue. They all rushed in and shoved their way into the hive. There was more resistance than they anticipated and there were many more guards than a dozen. Early on they realized that they had underestimated the task and that there would be casualties. Suddenly the fun raid on their old colony had turned violent, but it was too late to turn back. They needed the honey and were willing to sacrifice a few bees if necessary. They pushed forward, each bee fighting his way into the hostile hive, dodging stingers, and shoving weaker bees out of the way, finally reaching the prize, a solid wall of honey comb bursting with honey. They savagely tore away the wax cappings and filled their honey sacks with the golden prize, then fought their way back out and back to their own hive.

The queen knew as the first bees arrived back home that a terrible thing had happened. She begged them to turn back, to stop, to at least leave the majority of the honey for the hive they were robbing, but they were beyond reason and beyond remorse. Bee after bee, hundreds, then thousands, then tens of thousands flew into the hive and dropped their ill gotten treasure on the floor as the workers scrambled to move it into the storage areas. They avoided the stern, disapproving gaze of the queen as they made their way back to the entrance to return to the besieged hive and continue their unjust mob action.

People "Flash Mob" - LAME!

Twenty minutes later, it was over. The raided hive was in shambles. Guards lay all around, exhausted from the futile attempt to fend of the raiders. The workers wandered among the empty combs, dazed and unable to comprehend that three months of work was gone, and now it was they who would starve, not the unjust mob. It wasn't fair. It was wrong, criminal even. Where was the justice?

This morning I went down to my bee yard and packed up my bee hives on a trailer and carefully moved them up the hill closer to home so I can keep a better watch on them. They are now set up where I can see them from my office desk. They won't starve. If needed, I will feed them through the winter. Now, instead of enjoying the bounty of their work, I will be feeding them a lot of syrup. But that's OK.

Standing there looking at the empty hives, I felt the way the father must have felt on the movie A Christmas Story when the neighbor's hounds broke into the kitchen and stole the Christmas turkey, leaving nothing but wing bone and the wonderful smell of roasted turkey. All of the great plans I had for my fall honey are gone, one drop at a time to some rouge colony who not only rebelled and left me in the spring, but returned to add injury to insult by robbing their former coworkers.

For those who think that "Flash Mobs" and technology are something new, I say, once again, that bees invented that centuries ago. Keep trying.

UPDATE: The invaders returned, but this time I was there to do something about it. (Click the video to watch full screen)